


Where Soul Meets Body

by caramelle



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-05 05:32:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11007009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramelle/pseuds/caramelle
Summary: Collection of tumblr prompts.#3:"Jyn, it's twelve-thirty," Bodhi says in lieu of a greeting. "I need my seven and a half hours if I'm going to have a good day at work, okay? I can't mess up my routine just because—""I'm in love with Cassian.""... of that."prompt: "holy shit i just realized i’ve liked you for the past 8274 years and i really wish i didn’t but i dO and everyone somehow knows about it except for you oh my god why is this happening to me"





	1. i miss you

**Author's Note:**

> title from the Death Cab for Cutie song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **#1:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _"one of us is working nights and the other is working days and every time we see each other we are SUPER TIRED AND CRABBY but also I kind of miss you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written for [Kat](http://leralynne.tumblr.com), as part of my url change + 1.5k follower celebration on tumblr!
> 
> (side note: i tweaked the prompt A TEENY BIT, hope no one minds too much! esp not you Kat, lmao)
> 
>  

 

 

 

At first, Cassian doesn't think much of Jyn's new job at the bar.

 

It's miles better than her diner job in every way conceivable — better pay, shorter hours, friendlier clientele (although sometimes maybe _too_ friendly, but that's nothing Jyn can't handle thanks to both her black belts). It's a lot easier for her to tack on shifts to fit her class schedule, which she's definitely going to appreciate, now that she's on her very last semester of college.

 

Plus, Baze is there. Baze always seems to have some kind of weird calming effect on Jyn, which is odd only because the words "calm" and "Jyn" have probably never before been used in the same sentence by anyone on this planet, living or dead.

 

The best part is, they can keep hanging out with their friends at Baze's bar without Jyn having to miss out on anything.

 

All in all, it's a good arrangement.

 

That is, until Jyn actually starts _working_ there.

 

"Eggs for one, then," Cassian mutters to himself, dropping his free hand from the egg tray before closing the fridge door. Pretty much all of Jyn's classes for this semester are afternoon ones, but for the past year or so they've been living together, she's always gotten out of bed around the same time he does for work.

 

Not that he _minds_ or anything. He's just used to their semi-routine of making breakfast together every morning, swerving and ducking lazily around each other as they pour coffee into mugs and shake cereal into bowls.

 

He supposes he can't expect that to go on, now that Jyn's going to be spending most of her nights at the bar, all the way till the wee hours of the morning.

 

 _No problem,_ he tells himself easily as he dumps his scrambled eggs onto a plate. _Just get used to it._

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey," Jyn says when he walks into the bar later that night, her brows raised in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

 

He slides into a stool at the counter. "What does everyone do here?"

 

She gives him a wry smile, waving at the mostly empty bar. "Nothing, apparently. It's six P.M. on a Tuesday."

 

He shrugs. "Just felt like a drink."

 

"On a _Tuesday_?" she echoes skeptically, but she's already moving to grab him his usual beer from the fridge behind her.

 

"I can drink on a Tuesday," he says, a little defensively.

 

She scoffs lightly, sliding the beer into his palm with a rakish grin. "Sure you can."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Can't watch that," Cassian mutters to himself, flipping the channel. "Not this, either. Fuck, definitely not _that_."

 

He sighs, hitting the power button to turn the TV off before flinging the remote aside. He's had the longest day at work, and now he can't even watch _any_ of his usual shows because he doesn't want to skip ahead of Jyn.

 

It's not that she'd _asked_ him to wait for her to catch up, or anything. He just doesn't want to accidentally spoil something for her.

 

(Laugh if you want, but he has it on good authority that that's how a good twelve percent of Kay's friendships have ended.)

 

Blowing out another frustrated breath, he gets up, and pads into his bedroom. Time to find a book or something — that is, if he even still _has_ one of those lying around.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Something wrong?"

 

Cassian starts in his seat, blinking rapidly.

 

"What? No, I—" He clears his throat, taking his hand off his phone, the device lying silent and still on the table. "Nothing. Sorry, what were you saying?"

 

Bodhi gives him a funny look, like he's trying to solve one of his elaborate math problems, or whatever kind of problems it is that engineers solve. "I was asking how Jyn likes the new gig at Jedha?" He shrugs, twirling a few strands of pasta onto his fork. "I texted her a few days ago, but she just replied me a couple hours ago. It was just two emojis, so I couldn't really figure out what she meant. The thumbs-up one and the poop one. Kind of a mixed message there."

 

"Oh, it's good," Cassian says, picking up his own fork to resume work on his own food. "Yeah, she's good. She likes it, I think. I've dropped in a couple of times, she seems happy."

 

"I've been meaning to do that, but work's been so crazy," Bodhi says, a hint of apologetic worry lacing his tone. "Was really looking forward to seeing you guys today, though. Shame about the extra shift."

 

Cassian shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. We all know Baze wouldn't have asked unless he _really_ needed the help, so—" He jumps at the sudden vibration of his phone, letting his fork practically clatter to his plate as he grabs for the flashing device. He scans the screen rapidly, letting out a short breath once he's finished the short message.

 

"It's Jyn," he says to Bodhi, still reluctant to take his eyes off the screen. "She says sorry again for bailing on dinner. And that we have to make sure to get the panna cotta for dessert in her place."

 

Bodhi smiles, watching as Cassian starts typing a reply. "Tell her we will."

 

Cassian sets aside his phone once he's done, exhaling cathartically like some invisible tension's been relieved. He picks up his fork again and looks up, only to realise that Bodhi's _still_ smiling at him.

 

He pauses, unnerved. "... What?"

 

Bodhi shakes his head slowly. "Nothing. Just..." He blinks, his brows furrowing softly. "This must be hard for you."

 

Cassian stares at him. "Huh?"

 

"Jyn's job at the bar," Bodhi explains, his smile widening. "I mean, she's probably already there or staying late on campus by the time you get home from work."

 

Cassian frowns, lowering his fork uncomfortably. "Well— yeah, but that's not—"

 

"I'm guessing she doesn't get up in the mornings anymore, either," Bodhi continues, still smiling _that_ smile. "Not till you're out the door, at least. So you two probably don't get to see each other all that often anymore. Or maybe not even at all." He tilts his head. "That must be hard."

 

In the ensuing silence that follows, Cassian can actually _feel_ his tongue drying up in his mouth.

 

"Uh," he rasps out. And then he lapses back into silence, unable to come up with any actual _words._

 

Bodhi shrugs, apparently oblivious. "For roommates, I mean," he says blithely, reaching for his beer. "You guys have gotten so close over the last year and everything."

 

Relief washes over Cassian like an April shower, sudden and cool.

 

"Oh, right," he says, trying to keep the note of gratefulness out of his voice. "Yeah, of course."

 

 

* * *

 

 

It's well past three in the morning when Cassian hears the front door squeak open.

 

The sound doesn't wake him up _every_ time, but on this particular night, he's especially glad that it did.

 

He hears the telltale spray of the shower come on, and he rolls over, burying a small smile into his pillow. Why is he _smiling_? It's not like it's a _surprise._ It's not like Jyn's ever gone anywhere other than home after her shifts.

 

It's ridiculous. Why is he so _happy_?

 

A few minutes later, the door to the bedroom swings open. A soft light floods in from the hallway, but it's snuffed out within moments with the click of a light switch. He listens to the sound of slow, careful fumbling in the dark — the closet door opening and closing, a towel running through wet hair, a quiet sniff followed by a muffled cough.

 

The mattress barely dips with the new weight introduced to it.

 

He reaches out, his soft smile stretching wider in the dark.

 

Jyn jerks in surprise at his arm winding around her waist.

 

"Fuck," she whispers hoarsely, but her body's already twisting towards his, eagerly shifting closer. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

 

"No, you didn't," he lies easily, pressing a kiss to her temple before dipping lower to mouth at her jaw. Her hair is still damp from the shower. She's usually too exhausted after work to dry it properly. It's a terrible habit, but he buries his nose in it anyway, breathing in the light vanilla scent of her shampoo. "How was work?"

 

"Got a lot of good tips tonight," she half yawns, nuzzling into his neck. "Only had to kick out _one_ drunk handsy bastard, so I'd give the night a nine out of ten."

 

He sighs, lifting his arm so he can tuck it under her head. "Hope you didn't make yourself liable for any medical fees."

 

She shrugs. "Barely a light sprain. Some ice will fix him right up." Another yawn overtakes her, her warm breath fanning over his collarbone. "How was dinner with Bodhi?"

 

"Good. He asked about you."

 

"What about?"

 

"He had trouble deciphering your heavily coded text messages."

 

She chuckles sleepily, her arm sliding over his chest to wrap around his middle. "I'll send him a proper reply tomorrow. Words and everything."

 

He smiles, his arm tightening around her affectionately. A calm, gentle sort of silence falls over them like a blanket, warm and comfortable.

 

Cassian takes a deep breath. "I think he knows."

 

Jyn's body stiffens against his. After a long beat, she pulls out of the crook of his neck, blinking hazily. "What?"

 

"About us," he clarifies. That still feels so _weird_ to say. _'Us.'_ It's only been less than a month since they'd moved from _'you and me'_ to _'us'._

 

They haven't even _told_ anyone yet.

 

It's the strangest, most wonderful kind of thrill he's ever known.

 

"Oh."

 

The smile fades from his lips. It's rare that he's unable to read Jyn's tones and inflections, all her little nuances.

 

"I didn't say anything," he says, a little too quickly. "I mean, he was kind of vague about it. He probably doesn't— I don't know, maybe I was just reading too much into—"

 

Jyn's palm drags over his chest, rubbing a soothing circle through the thin cotton of his T-shirt.

 

"Cassian, it's _okay,_ " she laughs softly, pressing back into his side. She pauses, and he wonders how it is that he knows she's biting her lip just from the sound of the silence. "I was just thinking… maybe it's about time he _does_ know."

 

He turns his head, barely able to make out the shape of her eyes in the darkness. "Maybe… maybe it's about time all of them did."

 

She hums thoughtfully. "I don't know. Pretty sure Baze knows. He's been dropping hints all week."

 

"Baze?" Cassian repeats, wide-eyed. " _Hints_?!"

 

"He's not nearly as good at it as Chirrut is," Jyn adds. "But then again, who else do you think told him?"

 

He sighs. "Of _course_ Chirrut figured it out. I _knew_ we shouldn't have sat next to each other at that dinner to celebrate Kay's promotion."

 

"It's your fault," she retorts instantly. "You _had_ to wear that shirt. You _know_ I can't resist that blue on you." She stretches languidly, her arms reaching above their heads. "So that really means the _only_ person left who _doesn't_ know is—"

 

"Oh, no." Cassian sucks in a deep breath, and blows it out again. "Kay is going to _kill_ me."

 

He can feel Jyn's grin, curving against his skin as she presses her lips to his stubbled cheek. " _Us,_ babe. Kay is going to kill _us._ "

 

He wraps his arm around her, pulling her in snug and tight. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

 

 

* * *

 

 

It's really not that bad in the end.

 

The heated rant Kay goes on only lasts about thirty-five minutes, including the ten or so minutes of cold silence right in the middle.

 

The bottle of wine he buys for the table right afterwards lets Cassian know just how little fire there is behind his best friend's supposed ire.

 

But what _really_ makes it worth it is the solid clasp of Jyn's fingers, her hand entwined with his through it all.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am a speck of stardust floating thru [tumblr](http://mellamymake.tumblr.com)


	2. 'i just realised i've been in love w you for a long time' au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **#2:**
> 
>  
> 
> If Jyn ever had to pick just _one_ thing she likes best about Cassian, it would definitely be his straightforwardness. With him, she never has to _guess_. She _hates_ guessing.
> 
> Which is why it _especially_ annoys her whenever people ask her why she and him have never dated.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _prompt: character A slowly falls in love with character B over the course of several years, realization hits them that they’ve been in love with B for a long time hits them like a truck_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written for [jenniferjuni-per](http://jenniferjuni-per.tumblr.com), for my url change + 1.5k follower celebration on tumblr!

 

 

 

 

 

If Jyn ever had to pick the _one_ thing she likes best about Cassian, it would definitely be his straightforwardness.

 

Cassian doesn't beat around the bush the way Bodhi does, or speak in enigmatic riddles the way Chirrut is so fond of doing. Neither is he insensitive or clinical like Kay can be, or gruff and phlegmatic the way Baze sometimes is.

 

Don't get her wrong. It's not that Baze _doesn't_ care. It's just that what most people see as _problems,_ Baze almost always sees as _nothing._ Chances are, if no one's dying or dead, you won't be able to get Baze to lift so much as an eyebrow.

 

It had pissed her off at first, meeting someone as forthright and frank as her. That sort of thing can lead to misunderstandings — the kind that generates and fuels a heated, drawn-out rivalry all throughout college.

 

After a few years, she'd gradually discovered Cassian's unique knack for telling it like it is in a way that, miraculously enough, _doesn't_ grate on her nerves or make her feel like she's being patronised. He's always serious enough that she believes him, and yet light enough that she feels comfortable bouncing dry jokes off him. He just knows how to word things so that she _gets_ it instantly, without wasting time or effort having to clarify or ask for more detail.

 

More importantly, when it comes to him, she never has to _guess._ She _hates_ guessing.

 

She thinks it's a big part of the reason why they'd called it a truce and eventually became best friends.

 

Which is why it _especially_ annoys her whenever people ask her why she and him have never dated.

 

"Because it's not _like_ that," she snaps, exasperated. "As I've said a _hundred_ times before."

 

Bodhi's forehead wrinkles. "Are you _sure_?" he presses, his fingers flexing around his beer mug. "Because Kay says—"

 

"Well, Kay's _wrong_ ," she cuts in flatly, raising her own mug to her lips. "Trust me, Bodhi. I'm _sure._ "

 

He still seems uncomfortable, his shoulders jerking under his thin shirt. "How do you know?"

 

She sighs, slamming the near-empty mug back down as she swallows her mouthful of beer. "Because that's how we _work,_ Bodhi. Cassian and I, we don't fuck around mincing our words. If we have something to say to each other, we _say_ it." She shoots him a smug smirk. "I'll give you some time to wrap your mind around the concept."

 

Bodhi rolls his eyes, nudging his glass against hers in lieu of a comeback. "Okay, fine. So I guess that means you won't mind it when Cassian moves to Spain for two years?"

 

She freezes midway through reaching for a beer nut, the smile hitching on her face. "What?"

 

Bodhi shrugs easily. "Apparently, Alliance Inc. is launching a big project with their partners in Europe. Cassian's boss is recommending him to head the whole thing. Kay told me earlier this afternoon."

 

"Europe," Jyn repeats emptily. "But that's—"

 

" _So_ far away," Bodhi finishes, popping a nut into his mouth. " _Thousands_ of miles."

 

Jyn pulls her arms back into her sides, sucking in a deep breath as she attempts to calm her stuttering heart.

 

"Two years," she echoes. She resolutely ignores the faint waver to her voice.

 

"That's long," Bodhi says. There's a certain _pep_ to his tone, but she's too distracted with the thought of being without Cassian for two whole years to analyse it properly. " _Really_ long. Remember two years ago, Kay still had that haircut? The one that made him look like—"

 

"I remember," Jyn cuts off, her throat constricting uncomfortably. "What—" She breaks off, running her tongue across her lips. They're dry. "Why didn't Cassian tell me about this?"

 

Bodhi hums, squinting as if trying to work out a math problem. "According to Kay, he hasn't decided if he's going to take the job yet."

 

Jyn starts in surprise, leaning forward so her chest practically brushes across the edge of the table. "What?"

 

Now _that's_ unexpected news.

 

It's no secret that Cassian's relentless when it comes to his career. He's the most focused person Jyn's ever met, and he pulls no punches, either. An opportunity like this is _exactly_ the kind of thing the Cassian Andor she knows would say yes to within a _heartbeat._

 

… Or so she'd _thought._

 

Bodhi nods. "I know, right?" He pauses, cocking his head. "Need some time to wrap your mind around the concept?"

 

She scowls, swiping up her mug to throw back the last of her beer in a single gulp. "Cover the tab?" she asks, already grabbing her jacket and twisting her way out of the booth.

 

"Got it," Bodhi calls cheerfully after her — but she's already gone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

She's only panting a _little_ when Cassian opens the door, his brows lifting in surprise. Her hair is beyond windswept, and her skin flushed and overheated from her taking the stairs two at a time instead of waiting for the elevator, but she really can't think of anything else right now but the man currently staring at her.

 

"Jyn," he says as he pulls the door back, inviting her in. "Did I miss something? I thought you were hanging with Bodhi tonight."

 

She barrels into his hallway, coming to a stop a few feet behind him before whirling back around to face him, hands planted on her hips. "Why didn't you tell me about Spain?"

 

Cassian's expression falters, a hint of something unfamiliar and shaken flitting across his face before a mask of placid bewilderment seamlessly slips over it. "Was it Baze?"

 

"What? No, Kay told Bodhi and—" She cuts herself off abruptly, brows furrowing. "You told _Baze_ _and Chirrut_?"

 

A hint of panic flashes in Cassian's eyes before he blinks, his face remaining impressively neutral. "Yes, I— I wanted to see what they thought."

 

"But not _me_?" she demands, crossing her arms over her chest. "I can't believe you told _everyone_ about this _except_ —"

 

"I _couldn't_ ," he interrupts sharply, taking a step forward. "I didn't tell you because I _couldn't_!"

 

"But you could tell the rest of our friends," she says heatedly. "I thought you trusted me!" Tears are pricking at her eyes, but she violently shoves the lump rising in her throat right back down. She hasn't cried in front of anyone a _fucking_ long while, and she's sure as hell not going to start _now._

 

"I _do_ trust you," Cassian says, taking another step towards her. "Jyn, I trust you more than anyone in the _world._ " He holds his hands up, like he's trying to calm a wild animal. "Listen to me. I didn't tell you because I knew what you would say when I told you that I'm not going."

 

Jyn opens her mouth to retort, anger bubbling in her veins.

 

And then she closes it, all her outrage dissipating into nothingness within a single beat.

 

She stares at him blankly. "You what?"

 

"I'm not going," Cassian repeats carefully, his hands lowering slightly. "I only just decided, so I haven't told anyone yet, but... I'm not going." He exhales, the corners of his mouth quirking up in a small smile. "There. You're the first to know. Happy now?"

 

She doesn't take the bait.

 

"What do you _mean_ you're not going?" she asks, letting her arms drop loose from where they're wrapped around her middle. "How can you _not_ go?"

 

He barks a laugh, but the sound rings empty.

 

"How _can_ I go?" he says, moving closer. He's right in front of her now, making her lift her chin to maintain eye contact. "It's _two years,_ Jyn. I don't know how to go two _days_ without seeing you. Without talking to you." He lifts a hand, the pads of his fingers brushing lightly, carefully against her jaw. "Without..."

 

Jyn waits for the rest of his sentence, her breath hitching in her throat — but it never comes.

 

She swallows, unable to tear her eyes from his. "You can't tell me you _don't_ want to go," she manages to say, a little thickly.

 

His fingers still against her cheek. "Do _you_ want me to go?"

 

 _No,_ her brain screams readily. _Never._

 

But her tongue freezes up in her dry mouth, leaving her speechless. Revelation washes over her like a tidal wave, and all of a sudden, it's almost too much just to stay upright on her feet, because, it only took her a few _years_ to figure it out, but somehow, somewhere along the way, she's gone and fallen _in love with Cassian_.

 

His fingers are too warm against her skin.

 

The silence stretches a little _too_ long. His expression shutters abruptly, his hand dropping from her face. "Never mind. You don't have to—"

 

She reaches out on pure impulse, her hand grasping blindly at his fingers.

 

"I—" she starts, fighting back against the lump in her throat. That _fucking_ persistent lump.

 

What the hell is she supposed to say now? She _wants_ him to have this, she _does._ All the same, now that she knows she's _in love with him,_ she's genuinely not sure if she can bear the thought of being away from him for so long, before she's had any _time_ with him.

 

She takes a deep breath, bringing her gaze up to meet his. "I want you to have what _you_ want."

 

He holds himself perfectly still, his dark eyes searching hers. His fingers are lax and warm in her grip, but not stiff.

 

"Maybe," he says slowly, "maybe there are some things I want more than another promotion."

 

She tilts her head back as he steps even closer. Or maybe she's the one moving. She can't quite tell. "Like what?" she breathes. Her chest feels strange, full and hollow all at once.

 

The corner of Cassian's mouth pulls upwards, his free hand coming up to brush her bangs out of her eyes.

 

"Maybe just _one_ thing," he confesses, his hand curving around her jaw as his head lowers over hers.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Okay, so," Bodhi says with a frown, "just to see if I've got this right: Cassian's going to go to Spain in a couple of months. After Christmas, Jyn's going to quit her job and move out there with him."

 

"Well, technically, I'm just taking a year off," Jyn says, leaning into Cassian's side. "Not really _moving_."

 

"There are museums in Barcelona, too," he agrees easily, his arm slipping around her waist. "It'll be no trouble at all if she wants to take a part-time gig somewhere."

 

"Would you ever move to Europe for me?" Chirrut asks Baze with a wide grin.

 

"No," Baze says promptly, even though everyone hears it for the blatant lie it is.

 

Kay sniffs primly, folding his hands in his lap. "That is a _very_ long honeymoon."

 

"It's not a honeymoon," Jyn says, her nose scrunching. "It's a year off."

 

"In _Spain_ ," Kay says snippily. "The standard and quality of European healthcare is _significantly_ lower. You don't want to end up delivering your offspring into the world in a _Spanish_ hospital ward, do you?"

 

Cassian promptly chokes on his beer, as Jyn yells _"No one's delivering so much as a POSTCARD, you idiot!"_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it =D drop me a kudos/comment to lmk if you did!
> 
> i'm [on tumblr](http://mellamymake.tumblr.com)


	3. holy shit i've just realised i've liked you for the past 8274 years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **#3**
> 
>  
> 
> "Jyn, it's twelve-thirty," Bodhi says in lieu of a greeting. "I need my seven and a half hours if I'm going to have a good day at work, okay? I can't mess up my routine just because—"
> 
> "I'm in love with Cassian."
> 
> "... of that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _prompt from[strong-bottle-of-jyn](strong-bottle-of-jyn.tumblr.com): "holy shit i just realized i’ve liked you for the past 8274 years and i really wish i didn’t but i dO and everyone somehow knows about it except for you oh my god why is this happening to me" + "we’re best friends and i’ve been in love with you for forever but i’m 3000% sure you just see me as a friend except why is this sexual tension happening rn"_

 

  

 

The revelation hits Jyn, quite literally, out of nowhere.

 

She's alone at home, sitting on her couch and watching _Die Hard_ simply because it happened to be airing on the first channel she landed on. A sudden thought crosses her mind — an image of Cassian's horrified-fond expression as she'd insisted that _Die Hard_ was her favourite Christmas movie of all time — and all of a sudden, her entire spine goes rigid, her eyes rounding in their sockets.

 

 _Holy shit,_ her brain whisper-shouts, the inaudible sound bouncing off the walls of her head. _You're in love with Cassian._

 

She sits motionless for the rest of the movie, unable to see or hear anything Bruce Willis says or does onscreen.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Contrary to popular belief, it's not that Jyn doesn't _have_ feelings.

 

It's just that — well, they're so _inconvenient._

 

What have feelings ever done for anyone, anyway? What practical use have they ever amounted to? All they're known to do is cause awkwardness and pain and misunderstandings. Usually all three, come to think of it.

 

No, it's just easier all round to ignore them.

 

Only she can't ignore _these_ ones, because, fuck, it's _Cassian._ Never mind that he's already her favourite person on Earth to begin with. They see each other _way_ too often for her to be able to sufficiently and adequately bury her emotions under a thick enough layer of indifference. It would be _significantly_ jarring if she were to suddenly refrain from hanging out with everyone just to avoid him. It would be obvious enough if she were to suddenly start avoiding hanging out with Cassian _alone,_ considering just how much they see each other on a regular basis.

 

Not only that, but, well… once again, _it's Cassian._ She could probably be able to fake it with Bodhi. Maybe Baze. If she tried her hardest, she might even be able to fool Chirrut for a couple days or so. As for Kay — well, for all _he_ cares, she could tell him she's turned into a purple chimpanzee and he would probably just hand her a banana without batting an eyelash.

 

All the same, she desperately needs _someone's_ voice in her head other than her own, so she digs her phone out from the pocket of today's jacket and dials.

 

"Jyn, it's twelve-thirty," Bodhi says in lieu of a greeting. "I need my seven and a half hours if I'm going to have a good day at work, okay? I can't mess up my routine just because—"

 

"I'm in love with Cassian," she blurts out. About as intentionally as 'blurting' can be.

 

"... of that," Bodhi finishes. After a long pause, there's a small 'tsk' sound on his end. "Okay. And?"

 

She frowns, her cheeks burning with heat. "Did you hear what I said?"

 

"Loud and clear," Bodhi says, his voice dipping in and out in a way that makes her suspect he might be _yawning._ "What's the issue?"

 

"Wha— I just _told_ you the issue," she hisses, shifting agitatedly on the couch.

 

There's another pause, slightly longer than the last.

 

"Oh." Bodhi's adopted a tone she's only ever heard him use _once_ in their entire friendship — when Baze and Chirrut's four-year-old daughter had gravely asked him why her daddies' bed sometimes went bump in the night. "Oh, okay. This… is _news._ "

 

Her jaw drops at the wary, upward lilt of his voice on the word 'news'. Like it's a _question._ "What the fuck is with _that_ tone?!" she demands.

 

A loud sigh sounds on the phone. "Look, Jyn, any other time, I would totally therapise you through this—"

 

"S'not a word," she points out tightly.

 

"—but I actually _am_ pretty sleepy right now, so I'm just gonna come out and tell you that, yeah, we all know. We've all known for, like, _years_ now."

 

Her mouth works soundlessly for a couple of beats, opening and closing as she struggles to form a coherent thought. " _We_?! Who the fuck is—"

 

"Not Cassian, don't worry," Bodhi answers readily. "We thought we'd let you be the one to fill him in."

 

She scowls at her coffee table. "Stop saying _'we'_."

 

"Stop stalling and go work out how you're gonna tell him," Bodhi advises, sheets rustling in the background. "I'm hanging up now. Goodnight."

 

"You're the worst," she informs him.

 

"Love you too, Jyn" is all she hears in response, right before the dial tone cuts in.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Sorry," Cassian says as he slides into the booth, ten minutes late. "My Uber driver got a little lost."

 

Jyn scrunches her nose. They've been to this bar about a _million_ times. "You didn't direct him?"

 

He waves a dismissive hand. "He had the map thing going. Also, he thought my name was _Cassie_ , so. No." She's snorting into her drink before she can help it.

 

Cassian's eyes flick down to her glass, more than halfway empty. "Whiskey? Are we celebrating something?"

 

She straightens in her chair, suddenly embarrassed. "Just— just felt like something different."

 

She doesn't want to admit that she'd just wanted something _stronger,_ to help prepare her for what was undoubtedly going to be the worst conversation of her life. She's not going to fool herself; it _could_ just turn out to be the best. All the same, considering everything she knows about herself, 'worst' is probably a lot more likely.

 

He nods easily, much to her relief. "Sounds good. I'm gonna go get myself one of those." He pauses midway through getting up from the table. "Should I order for the others too?"

 

Her face floods with discomforting warmth. "Oh. Uh. They're not coming."

 

He stops, caught between standing and an awkward half-crouch. "They're not?"

 

"I thought we could hang out, just the two of us." She glances around self-consciously. "I didn't mention that?"

 

He blinks, brows furrowing slightly. "No." After a beat, he shrugs, and slips out from behind the table. "Back in a few."

 

She sucks in a deep breath, smoothing her palms over her jean-clad thighs. _Okay, Erso,_ she tells herself silently. _You can do this. Just… come out and_ say _it. Easy. Simple._

 

 _No, don't just_ say _it,_ she argues right back. _You have to lay some_ groundwork _first. You have to feel him out._

 

 _Yeah,_ she interjects smugly, _you'd love to_ feel _him out._

 

 _This is_ not _the time,_ she scolds.

 

 _Definitely not,_ she agrees quickly, nodding to herself. _Definitely don't imagine what it'd be like to kiss Cassian now. Or what his tongue would feel like against your skin. Or if he'd let you crawl into his lap and—_

 

Abruptly, she snags her whiskey glass, tossing back the last of the amber liquid as fast as she can. She hisses quietly as it burns down her throat, tipping her head back down and slamming her empty glass back down on the table, next to—

 

Another glass of whiskey?

 

Cassian grins as he slides back into his seat across from her, his own glass of whiskey in hand. "Got you a refill." He arches a brow at her empty glass. "Not a moment too soon, either, I see."

 

She manages a weak laugh, pushing aside her empty glass to curl both palms around her fresh drink. "Thanks."

 

Cassian smiles around a sip of whiskey, leaning forward to brace his elbows on the table. "So, is this a date?"

 

Her head snaps up. " _What?!_ "

 

He shrugs, glancing round at the empty booth. "The others aren't here. We're all alone."

 

Her mouth falls open. "That doesn't make it a _date_!"

 

He gestures towards her glass. "I bought you a drink."

 

"We _always_ buy each other drinks," she points out with a roll of her eyes.

 

"Didn't say this was a _first_ date."

 

Despite the warmth blooming in her cheeks, a laugh bubbles out of her before she quite catches it, the sensation spreading through her like liquid relaxant. "Idiot," she mutters fondly, shaking her head. "In that case, we've been dating for about three years now, have we?"

 

Cassian's smile remains in place, but when his gaze flicks away and back to hers, it's noticeably _darker_ than before. "I don't know, Jyn. Have we?"

 

Her throat is suddenly very, _very_ dry.

 

She stares at him. And then down at the fresh drink in her hands. And then back up at him.

 

"Are you _flirting_ with me?"

 

Cassian's mouth curves, his expression wry. "Have been for the past three years, but thanks for noticing."

 

Suddenly, everything clicks.

 

"Fucking _Bodhi_ ," she groans, scrubbing a palm over her eyes. "I'm going to _kill_ him."

 

He laughs, his fingers slipping into her hand to tug it away from her face. "Please don't. He's responsible for giving me the best news of my life. I'm feeling quite charitable towards him."

 

She flushes hotly, but she lets him take her hand anyway, turning it so it's resting securely in his upturned palm. "This isn't how this was supposed to go."

 

"Apparently, I wasn't supposed to let three whole years go by without telling you, either," Cassian tells her. He's smiling, but his hand tightens over hers, almost like some sort of nervous reflex.  "I'd say it's pretty obvious we both need some help in this department."

 

"No, we don't," she insists stubbornly, reaching out with to take his other hand in her free one. "Look — _I love you._ " She grins triumphantly, a rush of warmth spiking through her system. "See? I said it without anyone telling me to!"

 

Cassian grins, his eyes shining bright. "I love you too, but it's not a _chess match_ , Jyn."

 

"Doesn't matter," she says, squeezing both his hands. "We win."

 

He squeezes back. "Yeah. We do."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblrs](http://mellamymake.tumblr.com) are built on hope

**Author's Note:**

> i am a speck of stardust floating thru [tumblr](http://mellamymake.tumblr.com)


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